


Sins Against an Angel

by FormidablePassion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Angry Castiel, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Cas is dealing with some things, Chains, Grace Induced Amnesia, Hurt Dean, Hurt No Comfort, Torture, grace healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormidablePassion/pseuds/FormidablePassion
Summary: Castiel pulled Dean from perdition on orders. He fell in every way possible by choice.It was too late for redemption when he realized that he didn't mean as much to Dean Winchester as Dean Winchester meant to him. It didn't matter, he didn't matter.Castiel had to take matters into his own hands.Castiel was going to take all his anger and frustration out on his charge. He just hoped to his Father that it is enough to calm to raging storm inside him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to [Jhoom](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jhoom/pseuds/jhoom)  
> the other day, this is the result of my frustration.  
> As always this work is unedited and unbeta'd. Most likely slips in and out of tenses.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> 12.14.2016 Edit: Guys!! [Thrsdynxt](http://thrsdynxt.tumblr.com/) write a rebuttal for this fic. Go check it out after you read this! The link is in the end notes.

Cas had enough. It wasn’t a snap into reality. It wasn’t a flood of emotions. It wasn’t one specific incident. It was a slow realization. Little things here and there. He even tested his theory. 

He came to the conclusion that Dean did not respect him. Dean did not  _ care _ about him as much as he said he did. Dean could live without him and not be fazed by it. He would go on living his life as if Cas did not even exist. He was nothing to Dean. Dean only pretended that he was so he could use him. His only value to Dean was how helpful he could be. How useful he was. 

He was a tool, a weapon, to Dean. There was no true affection. Cas was beginning to believe that Dean held his precious  _ Baby _ in higher regard than he did Cas. 

  
Which lead them here. Dean never saw it coming. He really should have though. There is only so far that you can push an Angel of the Lord who has given you everything, who has literally died for you, before they snap. 

 

He looked down at Dean, clothed in only his underwear, covered in the deep brown color of dried blood along with rivulets of fresh blood sliding down his body in various places. He hung limply from the shackles that bound him to the ceiling, deep red oozing from the wound at his ankles where the metal was biting into his flesh as he struggled to get out, left leg sitting at an angle that would suggest it is broken in a way that would cause pain beyond what a normal human would be able to withstand. But this was no normal human. This was a Winchester. 

 

The blood on the cement might stain. Cas cared little for that. He wanted the blood. As many times as he's bled for the man before him, he feels he is owed some blood. The blood of a Winchester is something even those in the hunting community would be envious of. Let alone the angels, demons, and other creatures that actively avoid them for fear of death. Maybe Cas should take a page from their books and avoid the Winchesters. The death he would be avoiding would be of an entirely different nature though. 

 

Cas smiled down at the limp figure. Broken and bleeding at his mercy,“Time to wake up.” Cas whispered as he touched Dean’s forehead with two fingers. 

Dean jerked his head up and grimaced at the Angel then chuckled. “Right as rain I see, Castiel.” 

Cas winced inwardly at the use of his full name coming from Dean’s mouth, “Why do you do it? Keep healing me?” He gestured down to his body, perfectly healthy still covered in blood. “You getting your rocks off on this, Castiel, healing me only to torture me again? Does it do it for you?”

 

Cas stood perfectly still and let Dean speak. Dean’s mouth. Always so smart, getting him in trouble. There was a time that Cas longed to have that mouth in various ways. It became clear to him though that Dean didn’t respect him in general, there was no way that he would ever involve himself with Cas. It hurt. Not anymore. It was almost like, whatever realization Cas had come to, reset his feelings and emotions back to before he ever had the displeasure of meeting Dean Winchester. Sometimes Cas wonders what it would have been like if he never saved him from Hell. Cas would be blissfully ignorant to the pain that he would later feel.

 

Dean was glaring at Cas again. His beautiful face marred by a scowl, his green eyes shining with defiance. Such a beautiful idiot. Maybe Cas wasn’t reset. Maybe he was compartmentalizing his feelings. He chuckled a little, such a human thing to do. Naomi was right. Cas was ruined the second he put his hands on Dean Winchester. Dean was his downfall, his crux, his weak spot,  _ his everything _ . 

“Finding it funny,  _ Angel of the Lord _ ? Taking someone who trusts you with their life and breaking them over and over again?” He spat the words like venom at Cas as he held himself as proudly as the chains would allow. That was one of Dean’s many problems. Pride. 

 

“I do not find it humorous, Dean. I am finding it rather cathartic though.” he said.

Dean snorted at his words. “Are you fucking serious, Cas? I  _ trusted  _ you-”    
“But you didn’t respect me.” Cas interrupted him, letting his words bleed the pain that he was feeling over this revelation. 

  
Dean just looked up at him in confused pain, as if the words struck him physically. “Cas…” his voice was an angry whisper, “You know that isn’t true.” 

  
“Lies.” Cas whispered and looked away. “Dean, you couldn’t even begin to comprehend it all. All the pain, all the…” He turned quickly and put his fingers to Dean’s forehead again. Much like Metatron did with him and pop culture Cas let his memories, his feelings, his knowledge of their relationship slip into Dean’s mind. Begging him to see it from his point of view. Letting him know the pain, know  _ why _ he is doing what he is doing. 

 

Dean gasped, but before he had a chance to answer Cas moved his hand from the front to the back of Dean’s head and slammed his face into his knee. He hears the sickening crack of his nose smashing against his skull and Dean’s head falls to his chest as he tries to breath through the blood and sob at the same time. “Cas I… Cas….” He sobbed and then choked on his own blood, spitting it up all over Cas’ slacks and shoes. 

Cas didn’t want to hear whatever empty apologies he had to offer when faced with his sins against an Angel. “Save it Dean. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve fooled myself into believing that you actually cared for me. I don’t know how or why, but I’m completely disillusioned now. It was clear as a bell to everyone but me that you care very little for me.” 

 

“That’s not-” Cas cut his words off when raised his foot and kicked Dean in his ribs, listening to the satisfying crack of the ribs almost made him grimace,  _ almost. _ Dean tried to double over, to hold his ribs as he coughed. Cas tilted his head a little, studying, he punctured one of Dean’s lungs with the broken rib. He wasn’t in any danger of dying immediately. He would survive to listen to what he had to say. 

 

“Every single day since the day I laid my hands on you in  _ Hell, _ Dean, I have devoted to you. I should have known the moment you literally stabbed me in the heart that you were going to bring nothing but agony to my existence.” Cas walked around and buried his hand into Dean’s hair pulling his head back and watching the blood as it dripping down his face, “I never asked for anything from you Dean. I merely wanted to serve you as my Father intended,” He stared into green eyes that held what looked like remorse but Cas would not let his resolve waver, not yet. He needed to feel better about all of this. “Yet no one, not even my own Father, has ever made me feel so worthless, so agonizingly insignificant, as you have.” 

He caressed the side of Dean’s face, fingers getting covered in the sweet offering of Dean’s atonement. He spread it over Dean’s face and down his throat to mix with the other blood that had  dried, wounds healed no longer providing fresh penance to the Angel. 

Cas could almost lose himself as Dean looks up at him covered in blood. He really was beautiful like this, he could almost understand why Dean was Alistair's favorite. He makes a picture like no other. Makes you crave his blood, so strong and defiant that he makes you want to push harder and harder until you find his limits and he will actually cry out, until you can break him. His mind wanders back to the crypt and how Dean looked before Cas laid his hands on his jaw and healed him. Maybe he should have left the blood, but Cas wouldn’t have been around to see it. 

 

“Cas…” his voice was garbled by the blood in his throat and lungs, it held all the empty promises of doing better, it held the pain that Castiel felt in his heart that he only just made Dean aware of. It made him angry. He had fallen for Dean’s words, Dean’s promises of  _ family _ , of trust, of  _ love _ too many times. He had fallen for  _ Dean _ . He could no longer let this man posses so much of him. 

 

Suddenly he was deflated. He wanted Dean to feel the pain that Cas felt. He had spent hours inflicting that physically on Dean’s body. It wasn’t until he showed him, in his mind and heart, how Cas felt that Dean finally,  _ finally _ , understood and broke. The man’s eyes were shining with tears that Cas hadn’t noticed. They slipped down his face, mixing with the blood, salt trying to wash the red away, only succeeding in creating pink trails where it should be soft freckle covered skin. 

  
That was when he  _ knew _ . No matter what, there was nothing that Dean Winchester could do that would drive him away. There was no way that he could break Castiel that would keep him from coming back, time and time again. Not even death was able to force Castiel to part with his Righteous Man. 

 

Taking a deep sigh he memorized this moment. Once filled with anger and pain, taking in the beautiful sight before him, slide his hand over Dean’s jaw as his eyes shined bright up at him and he watched as his grace mended together bones and tissue, removed blood from his lungs, washed away the blood from his body. He hesitated a moment before leaning down into Dean and brushing his lips against his. Softly, a contrast to the violence Cas had showed him for all these hours. 

Dean lifted his head to stare as Cas stood up untangled his hand from his hair and pulled away. “Cas.” That one syllable. His name, shortened. By this man, this human. The only person Cas would ever be able to love, the only person that could, and always would, break his heart. The only person that Cas  _ knew _ was undeserving him. That one word sliding like silk between those lips. Cas realized that he will always be ruined by Dean and he could never walk away. There was nothing that he would deny this human, no matter the price.

  
  


He touched two fingers to Dean’s forehead. Clothed, Dean fell from the shackles as Castiel caught him before he hit the blood stained concrete. He hoisted him up over his shoulder and made his way to the Impala. Setting him gently in the back, Cas ran his fingers through his hair one more time making sure that the memories from the past several hours were completely dissolved. 

 

“Sleep now, Dean. I’ll watch over you.” He would always watch over Dean.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed and want to come yell at me about it you can find me on Tumblr as [FormidablePassion](http://formidablepassion.tumblr.com)  
> I promise I’m nice.
> 
> 12.14.2016 Edit: [Sins Against an Angel: A Rebuttal](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8848741/) by Thrsdynxt


End file.
